AND 'THE BEAT'...
(as in beating the customers)
GOES ON AND ON AND...
By Lou Duro
 After
continued complaints from Athenians about their drinks not
tasting right, and reports of "quick" drunkenness
and unusual sickness and vomiting (over and above the normal
hangover) on the morning after, government inspectors finally
did their own "pub
crawl".
However, in Crete, where this type of alcohol bootlegging
has been going on for years on a much larger scale, similar
complaints continually fall on deaf ears – a fact that
leads most responsible Cretans to believe the government
is practicing a double standard – showing favoritism
with its own citizens over that of the financially-crucial
tourist trade.
After recently carrying out a series of spot checks at 40
establishments that serve alcohol, including bars, clubs
and restaurants, what the inspectors from the finance ministry's
financial crime squad (SDOE) found in Greece's capitol city
was termed "outrageous." Every single rum and tequila
drink tested was adulterated, as well fifty percent of the
vodka drinks. They found that twenty percent of the whisky
was also tampered with.
Drinkers usually consume rum, tequila, gin and vodka in
mixed cocktails, such as rum and Coke, tequila sunrise, gin
and tonic or vodka and orange juice, which dilute the taste
of the alcohol, while whisky is mostly taken neat, or with
ice, making the foreign ingredients easier to detect.
The rotgut alcohol is made with cheap substitutes and toxic
raw materials which can cause chronic headaches, extreme
nausea, temporary or permanent blindness and, in some cases,
even death. In Crete, locally made low quality raki is also
used.
This type of bootlegging, which was prominent
in the days of American gangster Al Capone, is currently
practiced on such a scale in Crete that, in comparison, it
would have made the Chicago mobster seem like an amateur...
Experienced local observers agree that
if the government inspectors were to descend on the bars
and clubs in Crete, especially in the Hersonissos and Malia
areas, where greed is so dominant they don't even limit their
bootleg alcohol to mixed drinks, they would be astounded
at what they would find. Most people agree that this form
of bootlegging prevails in one hundred percent of the larger
clubs and bars, and to some lesser degree in all the others.
 "I've been a bartender in Hersonissos for two years," said
a British man who wished to remain anonymous for obvious
reasons," and I haven't poured a legitimate drink yet – mixed
or straight. And the stuff we serve the 'pub crawlers' is
even worse."
(Editor's Note: Pub-crawling, as reported in the July issue
of the Crete Gazette, is the illegal practice by tour guides
of directing large tour groups to specific bars or clubs
in return for hefty fees or commissions.)
A female club manager in Malia, who once
worked in a Hard Rock Cafe where, she says, they
poured a true drink, said this practice in Greece "just
doesn't make any sense. "Sure," the
anonymous manager told this newspaper, "we serve the
bootleg stuff like everyone else, but I tried to talk the
owners out of it when I first started working here. Two or
three drinks of the raw alcohol and the average customer
is on his backside or brawling in the  street. If we served
a true drink the profit may be less per drink, but they'd
be able to drink a lot more and the end result would be the
same – but done legally." She said she became
so frustrated trying to explain the logic, she just gave
up and went with the flow, no pun intended.
Robert Lopez, a native of Puerto Rico who lived on Crete
for seven years, tells the story of his first venture into
the Hersonissos nightlife scene with several friends. At
their first stop, while his friends ordered beer, Lopez ordered
a double Bacardi straight up, no ice. "My friends asked
if I could handle that," Lopez recalls. "I told
them in Puerto Rico we're weaned on Bacardi – our mamas
carry rum in their breast instead of milk. Everyone laughed,
including the bartender who was pouring the drink." When
he tossed the shot down Lopez said he almost gagged. "What
the hell is this stuff?" he shouted at the barman. "That's
what you ordered, Bacardi," the barman answered. "Are
you crazy," Lopez shot back. "If my mama had carried
that stuff I would have shot her." Lopez said he spotted
an unopened bottle of Bacardi on a back shelf which looked
like it hadn't been touched for years. "Pour me a drink
from that bottle," he said. "The dusty one." What
always amazed Lopez was the fact that the barman, even after
learning that Lopez drank Bacardi all his life, still tried
to pawn off the rotgut on him.
 However, not everyone is unhappy with the bootleg booze. "This
is great stuff," declared a chronic hooch hound on a
recent night out in Malia. "I mean, the whole purpose
of my going out is to get drunk, right? Drinking this crap
I can do it a lot faster and save a bundle in the process." Mr. "Hooch" went
on to explain that in other places he'd always order the
off-name label because he's convinced the cheaper the booze
the harder the alcohol kick. "Heck, in Crete I can order
the "top brands" and achieve the same effect."
According to financial observers, this practice, of course,
cheats everyone – the customer who thinks he's paying
for Gordon's Gin or Bacardi Rum; the legitimate liquor manufacturers
who spend millions on marketing only to have their bottles
filled with rotgut; the government tax offices, which are
losing many millions of euros due to the untaxed bootleg
alcohol, which must be made up by legitimate taxpayers, thereby
subsidizing the outlaw pub owners.
And, why is this illegal practice allowed to flourish unhampered
by the police or any government agency? many people ask.
Ah, that is one of the mysteries of Crete – but one
mystery that lawful citizens of this island wish to see solved.
Perhaps the agents of SDOE should check out what Eliot Ness
and The Untouchables did to bring down Al Capone and his
cohorts.
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