Remembering britain: see what you're missing

By Martin Coates

While sitting under the Cretan sun, the cooler nearby packed with cold Amstels, I reminisced about all the things I left behind in Britain. I mean, only in that great land:

can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
do supermarkets make sick people negotiate their way to the back for prescriptions, while healthy folk get to buy their cigarettes at the front door
do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries and a DIET coke
do people lock their junk lawnmower in the garage and leave their expensive cars on the drive
are there disabled parking spaces in front of the Ice Rink

And finally, I was thinking how much safer it is on Crete. Last year in Britain:

18 people had serious burns trying on a new jumper with a cigarette in their mouth
544 Brits needed hospital treatment after opening beer bottles with their teeth
8 people cracked their skulls while throwing up in the toilet